Step Moms Confessions
For as long as I can remember when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up NEVER did I answer; I want to be a step mom. I started out wanting to be a dancer (on sesame street) then after some years a professional tree climber up until my early 20’s when I realized all I truly wanted to be was a mom. I had a career started and was doing very well for myself. I met a great guy and after some months of talking he told me he has 4 kids. I was a bit thrown back a bit on this with some serious mixed emotions. But after some time to soak it all in I thought to myself this cant be that bad right? After about 6 months of us talking/dating I met one of his kids at a time…older down to the youngest. Giving me and each child a chance to really just get to know one another on the best level we could being the oldest was 8 and youngest being 5. Before you knew it he asked me to marry him (about a year into our relationship). And the day was set.
Fast forward through some years now his oldest is 15 and the youngest is 12. I wont lie things havent always been the greatest. High conflict in-laws, bio mother and many other people always having something to say about my life. Which led me here today writing and writing and writing. In 7 years I have literally been on a roller coaster of fun and not so much fun times. I can seriously sit here and weigh out the good and bad and can say the good still out numbers the bad all day. Which keeps a smile on my face. But as I scroll through googles web pages, facebook postings I started to wonder was I really a good mom? And not just as a step but a mom in general. We have 3 of our own plus the other 4 and there have been days were I just felt like I was failing. Specially when BM is ranting that I have over stepped my boundaries when I take all 7 kids to the dentist at one time. At first I was head strong had the right reasoning for my part. Then after time thought ok well maybe I have over stepped. To now where I just do what I do and if someone complains thats for them to deal with. Why take 3 in to see a dentist waiting to find out months later the other 4 still havent gone? When if we have all 7 together lets do this at one time and get it over with. Because anyone with more than 2 kids can tell you its not a fun trip taking 7 kids anywhere specially the dentist. Ive learned to just ignore what most have to say when I am doing what I can to raise 7 kids.
I have sat hiding in my bathroom, laundry room….any empty space really questioning everything I do daily. And in this house there is seldom any room not filled with children or animals or people in general. Once children reach the early teens you find your house crawling with them after school, after practice…or just because today is Thursday. I’ve broke down to my husband, yelled into rooms with no one there but the dogs. Went to lunch with a friend or coworker and started to cry over my Wendy’s cranberry chicken salad and tea. Which tends to really freak your friend out a bit when this happens. I’ve stood in more grocery store or department store bathrooms waiting on one or more children to pee while strolling through 3 bags trying to just find my keys again hidden next to baby teething pills, wipes, lipstick I haven’t worn in years, clean and dirty tissues and yes that toy little Bobby couldn’t find last trip because you took it away due to him throwing it at the cashier lady. Moments where I swore I just washed 10 loads of laundry and actually put them away so where did all this laundry come from again? To SO HELP ME WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME….you know those moments! I can say I have never lost any of the children but have had the scares of them playing Hey Mom im hiding you cant find me game throughout the house. The fighting between siblings, the screams of you aren’t my mommy….leading into are you my mommy if not little Jill’s mommy?
Even those moments where I would question my husbands love and faithfulness for me over the ex. The god awful moments in the in-laws where people whispered and you just know its because you are now being compared to the mother of his children. Times where he sleeps on the couch or you do. Yes even those moments where I would pack up me and my childrens things make it to the door and realize right at that moment NO I CANT JUST LEAVE! Yes I have had all of this and more happen in 7 years. Me tearing myself to pieces over whether or not i’ve been doing the right thing or wrong thing. Truth is yes I have made mistakes what PARENT hasn’t? No parent is perfect and those who say they are are lying simply because they are scared to death most the time. I know because I use to think that way. I would be terrified to no end but ask me and I was on top of everything. Now I realize my house is never going to look like Better Homes and Gardens. How can it with out a maid, cook, butler and nanny? I know now my kids all of them will get into things, make huge messes and mistakes themselves. And I know nothing I ever do is going to be right in the BMs eyes or my in-laws who cant seem to grasp why their son married me. Im not perfect….oh God NO! But I am mom! I am the one helping with algebra, science, world history, shapes and colors, the facts of life, girlfriends/boyfriends, potty training, teething, who took whose shoe, who ate the last cookie….yes I am MOM! I am a wife and mother who loves her family for all its ups and downs, good and bad times….all of it! I am no failure! I am no second place status for Facebook. I’m not the next twitter posting with a hashtag. I’m the woman in her 30’s who traded in a career life for a REAL life! I no longer work in an office cleaned by old man Hal, I now work in an office where if I clean the office, kitchen or bedrooms I do if not so be it. I traded in my nice sports car for a BIG SUV….still paying way to much on gas and insurance. But no matter what I have a great life. I am proud of who I am and the mistakes I have made. Because of those mistakes and succeeding moments it has led me where I am today. I don’t know if this will help the next mom out there pulling her hair out but I think once you look at all the good moments, see the beauty in the little things then nothing the BM or anyone else says matters. Its the smiles on little tired faces as you go bed to bed tucking them in kissing them on the cheek or forehead. Its that big eyed look you get when they get hurt and you kissed the booboo for them to make it all better. Yes BM can do these things if she chooses to at her house on her time. But while these kids are here I will always be willing to do it for them not her. And knowing that they can see maybe not every day that I love them and will continue to sacrifice for them then that’s all that matters to me anymore.
Just A Mom
Just A Step Parent? 