Yesterday was not one of my favorite days of the year for personal reasons. But I held my head high and trucked through the day. Like always at 3:30pm I drove up to the school and grabbed my daugher (step) and we heading home. The whole way she just smiled and chatted about her day at school. 5th grade is apparently filled with so much it’s like a child’s soap opera. Once home she did her chores running in circles like usual. Once supper was over she sat down and did her nightly tv time with grams. I noticed as I finished up my own chores her body language suggested a mode change. She is in the beginning stages of puberty and since I was raised with 3 sisters these things are very noticeable.
Once done I sat in my chair and asked her during commercial what was up? She didn’t even flinch or respond. She knows this is a huge pet peeve with me. When someone talks to you you respond. So I asked again louder this time. She turns says NOTHING in that voice every parent HATES! So I pulled the LET’S TALK card. To her dislike I made her leave the living room and come sit with me. We don’t hold things in in this house. Too much drama comes from not speaking what’s on your mind. I asked her a third time reminding her how much I hate repeating myself let alone being ignored then snipped at.
She wouldn’t even look up at me. SO I knew there was for sure something on this child’s mind. I said that she needed to talk cuz earlier she was all happy go lucky now she acts like someone told her no to ice cream, ran over her dog and stole her favorite toy. She finally says to me that she’s mad. I said continue. She goes on this huge rant about her BM and her ex SM. How she knows that we can’t change things people do or people in general but how it’s “TOTALLY” as she put it unfair that these two women lie and get away with the junk they do to her, dad and me.
At this point this child is so angry at the thoughts running through her head and out her mouth she is turning red and shaking. I got a lot of MOM it’s just not fair! Along with why do they hate you and dad so much to do this? Being the three of us are so close and tightly unified I can see where this all bothers her. She’s 10 going through puberty on top of so much in her life that it’s overwhelming. That and I can’t answer for why her BM or her ex SM would do 90% of what they have done and continue to do.
SO my response was this:
Baby we have talked about this before. I cant tell you why life is unfair, im not the creator of it all. I can’t tell you why your mother or your ex step mom do what they do. I can lie to you if you like but then I would feel horrible. So as it sits I can say, we do what we do for many reasons. Sometimes because it comes natural, others because we wanted to for either emotional or personal reasons, or because we followed along with the crowd. Heck sometimes we do things and there is no logical reason as to even why. But no matter what the reason each of us is responsible for what we do. Life is unfair baby this you know. You see the nature shows where a baby cub dies, you see the news where children get hurt and so on. It is life and it’s why it’s complicated, scary yet simple and beautiful all at the same time. Both your mom and ex step mom will in time pay the price for their actions just as we will ours. Its also a part of life. Judgement comes to us all in the end.
She looks at me tears in her eyes. Asks me if she’s bad for being mad then. I smiled said NOPE! You have every right to be mad, upset or happy at any point in your life. It’s your life! Dad and I are here to help and guide you but your decisions are yours and they come with either rewards or consequences. Just like everyone else. So if right now just because it’s on your mind and makes you mad then so be it. Just remember our emotions direct our behaviors and our behaviors affect those around us. I got a smile and a hug. She returned back to her spot in the living room looked up at grams and said I LOVE MOM! My grams then looks at her and says I do too Monkey!
Just A Step Parent? 